Sometimes a Dream is What Makes You a Slave
by miriya v
Summary: (1x2, poss. 2x5 implications) Heero leaves Duo to chase his dreams, and Wufei is left to pick up the pieces.
1. Default Chapter Title

Sometimes a dream is what makes you a slave  
  
Note from the Authoress: Well...this here's my first attempt at a GW yaoi songfic...or videofic, or whatever the hell you want to call it. So. If it sucks, you can tell me...I'll understand. But if you like it, I'd be much happier, so I'm gonna do my very best to make it that way. The time...I guess somewhere around 2 months or so after the end of the TV episodes.  
  
Standard disclaimers, as always, apply here. Duo and Heero, and the rest of my boys, and that sniveling biznitch Relena don't belong to me, as much as I wish it were true. Well...maybe not Relena. I don't want her. That weird blonde guy in the second and third episodes *the one that Heero almost gave a sword-nose job to* can have her. They all belong to the gods of anime that created them, but I know you know that. So don't try to sue me, it would cost a shit-load more for you than me, and I don't have any money either.  
  
So sit back, enjoy the show. Don't forget to fasten your seatbelt, and remember the floatation devices are under your seat. Just in case you might need them. And, as always, do it all for the Nookie, and sometimes a dream is really what makes you a slave. Just as my boys here learn. Good day.  
  
  
Ah, yes, I almost forgot. The stuff in the ~little wavy things~ is a dream sequence. The stuff in the slashes //...// are the thoughts of whoever happens to be thinking. (I don't know...I'm not used to it!) And...the italicized words are lyrics to the song 'Sometimes a Dream (is what makes you a slave)' By the great Liz Phair. Um...I've never heard this song before, but I fell in love with the lyrics. I was actually looking for the lyrics for 'Flower', but that's another songfic...(all you lemon-heads celebrate!!! Or not...if you don't like my style...)  
  
~Miriya Valentine, story-bungler extraordinaire~  
***************************************  
  
  
I can't remember the last time I felt good  
For more than a week-I mean really good  
for more than a month...  
  
"Hey, Heero! You're finally back! Where've ya been?" Duo Maxwell chirped, grinning at his Japanese counterpart. Heero had been gone for a long time, millions of years in the not-so humble opinion of the boy called death.   
  
"Hn...Hello, Duo." Heero's voice was the same as always, betraying no emotion whatsoever, as if he had none to show. He glanced impassively at the braided one, willing away the pain that threatened to surface, threatened to crumble his already half-rusted resolve. What he was going to do was going to hurt him, hurt them both--although Duo would never know. He'd never let him know.  
  
Duo threw his arms around Heero, oblivious to anything else, wondering why his koi was suddenly so quiet. Since the end of the war, he and Heero had forged a relationship, Duo pulling almost both their weights, happy to put up with the sullenness of the *perfect soldier*. It was something ingrained, he knew, and he knew also that it would only be a matter of time before his cheerful attitude would counter that which Heero'd lived all his life.   
  
And of course, he was right. Heero had begun to open up, even in small ways, returning the gentle affections of the one called Shinigami. Duo was completely in love, and could overlook any of his partner's *character flaws*. It was something entirely new to him, but he absorbed it, as always, with his perpetual exuberance and wonder. That, among other things, was what made Heero stay with Duo. It had been...enjoyable, even *fun*, while it lasted, but things would change.   
  
It was all he could do not to return Duo's swift, adoring embrace, to instead grit his teeth and keep his hands clenched tightly at his sides. The pain was already intensifying...Duo would hurt, and it would be *all* his fault. But there was nothing he could do, now...he'd made up his mind. There was no turning back...  
  
  
...cos I'm chasing a dream...  
  
"Heero...what's wrong?" Duo asked quietly, disengaging himself from around Heero. His brilliant violet eyes were clouded with worry, several emotions passing across his expressive face. That angelic, elfin face that the Japanese boy had grown to love so much...  
  
Heero took a deep breath, feeling the ache rise to the surface, praying to whichever gods watched over them that Duo would not see...he could not afford to allow room for much argument--he knew he'd crumble before his *former* braided koibito.  
  
"Duo...I have to leave. For good." There. It was done. Out in the open, his betrayal was laid bare, no time or way to take it back. //Gods, Duo...I'm so sorry...//  
  
"Why?" The single word, spoken with so much heart-wrenching anguish, so much raw agony in the gentle tenor. //Heero...why? Is it me? Oh, gods...what have I done?//  
  
Heero knew exactly what Duo was thinking, could see it in the sadness washing over his face. He felt his knees turn to water, the infallible strength wavering, having to face those stricken violet eyes. But he owed this much to Duo, after all they'd been through together...his Duo deserved the truth...deserved so much more than Heero could ever give.  
  
Cobalt faded, Heero closed his eyes, calling on all of himself to give him support. Another person, long blonde hair loose, falling gently around her face, sides pulled up in those ever-present twin braids. //Braids...//   
  
"I'm going to the Sanq Kingdom...Duo, I'm marrying Relena."  
  
...makes you wanna feel, makes you wanna cry  
makes you wanna tear the stars from the sky...   
  
"Oh, god...Heero..." The *perfect soldier* watched in silent agony as the one called death stumbled backwards, those exquisite violet eyes dulling, fading before his eyes, crumbling as Heero's words sank beneath the surface. //Somehow...I always knew it would be this way. I did my best, hoping against hope that I could change the course of destiny, something I could see in the very stars. But I didn't do enough...and now I've lost you to *her*. I can only hope you're happy, with Relena...if you are, then I promise, I won't cry...//  
  
"I...I understand." He said it looking Heero straight in the eyes, letting his counterpart know that he indeed, did understand, to a certain extent. That he would acquiesce, that he wouldn't argue, wouldn't put up the fight Heero feared he would. That he would fade away quietly, allowing Heero to do what he felt was right for himself.  
  
...and sometimes a dream doesn't set you free...  
  
Heero bowed his head, dark hair obscuring his face. "Thank you, Duo. Thank you for understanding...goodbye." He grasped the doorknob firmly, casting one final look at his Shinigami, forever securing the face he loved so dearly in his mind, to be held forever close to his heart. Closer than Relena would ever be.  
  
As he closed the door behind him, he shook his head, almost tempted to turn back. //No, Duo...you don't understand...I don't even understand. I don't love her. I love you, my Shinigami...my beautiful one...//  
  
...and you're halfway there, but you're halfway down  
and you just can't get your ass out of town  
and sometimes a dream is what makes you a slave...  
  
On the other side of the door, Duo slumped against the wall, flinching mentally at the cold click of the door that sealed his fate more than the words themselves. //Somehow...I thought that I would have the power to change destiny...that I could be the one to keep you here, Heero. I want you to know that I'll always be here for you...if you ever need me. I'll always be here...// Absently, he toyed with the end of his long braid, switchblade memories assaulting him, reminding him of all the times that Heero would play with his glorious mane. Amazing how one so cold could be so fascinated with something so simple...Duo could almost feel the heat radiating from him as his unbelievably gentle hands played over his scalp, the gentle tug as long, elegant fingers ran through his long chestnut mane. It had seemed so perfect, then, like nothing, not even the end of the world, could change what they had. To know it had ended...was gone, forever, so quickly...the world came down on death himself, reminding him of just how lonely the universe was. //Be strong...//  
  
...and you can't back up cos you're against the wall  
and it's the same goddamn thing I told you  
sometimes a dream is what makes you a slave  
baby, it's alright...  
  
Heero was silent as he entered the opulent ancestral home of the Peacecrafts, watching detachedly as Relena came running to him. So like the last time he'd been with Duo, she also embraced him, getting much the same reaction as he'd given to the one he'd actually cared about. The one he'd loved... //Duo...//  
  
"Heero..." she breathed, "I'm so happy to see you came. Please, come with me, I'll show you to your room...for now." The heir to the Peacecrafts had no idea how Heero truly felt, how much each step further into this prison wrenched his heart, bleeding his soul anew. All he could see was the face of his angel, amaryllis eyes shattering before him, by his hand. //It's all my fault...//   
  
But Relena was oblivious, delirious to know that her hero had come to her at last. That he would be with her forever, and the world would be perfect once again.   
  
Completely oblivious to his pain.   
  
And he would never tell her...that his heart, broken and torn as it was, belonged to another, one with so much more life and sincerity than she would ever begin to imagine.   
  
...and I think that's what happened to me  
cos I'm walking almost every day blind  
and I'm searching through my past...  
  
Duo lay in bed, tossing and turning restlessly as chaotic dreams took over his mind.   
  
~Sudden light.  
  
A flashback from another time, so long ago it seemed, the first time Duo and Heero had met.   
  
Heero stood before Duo and Relena, a gun held in his tight grip. Duo could feel the cold air, realizing that he was unarmed, unlike that time. But Heero wasn't pointing the gun at Relena, he held it indecisively, as if wondering who to shoot.  
  
"One bullet." Heero's voice seemed ethereal. "All I've got."  
  
Relena Peacecraft, clothed again in the blue dress, stepped forward, not at all intimidated by the danger Heero posed. "Choose, Heero Yuy. Choose me, you will have the world. Anything, everything you could ever want will be yours, to do with as you please." She then looked at Duo, who stood there silently, waiting. "Choose Duo, and you will have..." She didn't say anything. There was nothing. Duo had nothing to give. Nothing...  
  
Suddenly, he spoke up as well, violet eyes flashing in the sunset. "Choose me, and you will have my love. Forever, I will be there for you...to love you as long as I live." And then Duo stood there silently, waiting for that decisive verdict. To lose his Heero would be to lose his life...  
  
Heero seemed to be in deep contemplation. Relena, however, wore a smug grin, almost certain her victory was secured. And indeed, who could refuse the queen of the world?   
  
Without warning, just as in that long-ago reality, Deathscythe broke the water, embracing Wing, dragging the massive gundam from the crystal-clear depths of the ocean. Heero abruptly turned, in his other hand the small destruct device that would send both machines back down to the bottom. Duo's eyes widened in shock and horror--Relena glided across the cold concrete, placing a hand possessively on Heero's arm. And then, the Japanese pilot looked at Duo, indigo eyes narrowing slightly.  
  
Relena laughed, turning her own gaze on the braided boy. "Heero doesn't need the war...doesn't need anything but me. He doesn't need you, Duo Maxwell. He's mine...forever."  
  
And Heero nodded silently, thumbing the tiny red button.  
  
Duo screamed in anguish as he watched his beloved Deathscythe, along with Wing, turn into so much scrap metal. So intense was his pain, his betrayal, that he barely realized what was happening until the bullet found its mark, neatly reaving the broken heart of the boy known as Death. He dimly noticed the concrete rushing to meet him, the darkening of his vision...  
  
Heero looked down on his counterpart, no emotion on his face. Relena, however, was positively triumphant as she smiled sweetly on Duo. "Goodbye, Maxwell...see you in hell..."   
  
And indeed, Duo could hear the mocking laughter of a thousand angry demons, reaching gnarled and hideous hands up to pull him down to their dark abyss. But he couldn't feel them, couldn't feel a thing but the intense pain of what Heero had done. Salty tears flowed freely down his elfin face as he whispered one last word, before succumbing to his fate...  
  
"...Heero..."  
  
The darkness moved in to consume Duo, his mouth opening to let out a silent scream.~  
  
And unknown to the broken dreamer, somewhere in the Sanq Kingdom, another boy cried out in his sleep, victim to the exact same vision.  
  
...in a way it's not healthy, I'm hoping to find...  
  
Duo awoke in a frigid sweat, his throat and eyes raw, trembling with the horrific reality of his dream. Unlike most of his dreams, this one was still alive in his mind, every detail frighteningly vivid. He brought a hand to his face wiping away warm moisture. //Tears...// He rubbed at his eyes, hoping to get rid of at least his physical pain. The agony he felt inside, however, was there forever, always haunting him, forever mocking his own inadequacy. The reality he now lived with.  
  
Another knock, this time louder. "Maxwell! Are you in there?!"  
  
Duo started. //What the hell? Get up...get moving. Answer the fucking door. It's not the end of the world...// But his heart told him otherwise. His world was shattered...gone. "Coming," he croaked, rolling out of bed, groping half-heartedly for a somewhat clean pair of jeans.  
  
He stumbled to the door, throwing back the deadbolt, the very act bringing back a painful tide of memories. The memories hurt so bad...  
  
Wufei stared at his friend. Duo, to be blunt, looked like shit, his beautiful violet eyes red and swollen, chestnut cascade of hair tangled and plastered to his head and back. But still...he looked perfect... "Duo? Are you okay? It's almost 3 in the afternoon."  
  
Duo blinked at the Chinese. "Wufei? Why are you here? It's 3 already?"  
  
Shenlong's pilot closed his eyes. It had been months since he'd last seen Duo, and even this meeting threatened to bring back so many carefully guarded emotions. "I heard what happened, Duo...can I come in?"  
  
The braided boy seemed lost for a moment, then shook his head, opening the door wider. "Oh, yeah, sure. Come in. It's good to see you again, Wu-man." He then stepped back, allowing the quiet Chinese into the small apartment.   
  
Wufei was silent for a moment, pondering his next words. He'd heard on the news, how Relena announced her upcoming wedding...to Heero Yuy. It had been a shock, he'd known of the relationship between Duo and Heero...how could he forget? They'd seemed so perfect together, the reason Wufei had stayed silent all that time. He would ignore his feelings for Duo, laying them aside in order for the braided boy to be happy. That was all he wanted...and now, to see him like this, in such turmoil over the loss of Heero...it tore him apart. It was all he could do, not to embrace the braided angel, to offer him anything that he wanted, to insure his happiness.   
  
"So...you heard?" Duo repeated Wufei's words, sorrow inflicted in each syllable. He looked at Wufei expectantly, rubbing his temples. Taking a seat on the overstuffed couch, Duo motioned his friend to sit down.  
  
Wufei acquiesced, seating himself beside his friend. Gods...this was so hard...to see him like this--Heero had a hell of a lot to answer for. How could he give up such a wonder? How could he hurt someone so unfeelingly?   
  
"I'm really sorry, Duo...are you okay?" The words were trite, and he knew it. Duo deserved more than trite, but in the name of formality, he had to run through the same old repertoire. He couldn't let Duo know how he felt... not at a time like this. As much as it hurt him, he would stay silent still.  
  
...makes you wanna feel, makes you wanna cry  
makes you wanna tear the stars from the sky  
and sometimes a dream doesn't set you free...  
  
"I don't know, Wu-man...it was so sudden..."  
  
"I'm sorry, Duo." Indeed, more than he would ever let on. His heart ached for this broken angel, and he could only keep repeating those words. //Damn you, Heero...how the hell could you do this? What in the hell were you thinking?//  
  
Duo sighed softly, leaning back against the couch. "He was gone for a couple weeks, and just came back yesterday...and said goodbye. He's gone off to marry Relena...and there's not a damn thing I can do. I don't think he loves her...but what the hell do I know?" There was a gentle bitterness in his tone, as he looked helplessly at his friend, "I don't understand...no warning, just bam! See ya around. It was great, but I'll see you later. I just don't get it, Wu-man, I just don't get it..."  
  
He buried his face in his hands, impossibly long hair shrouding him, his narrow shoulders shaking in grief. Tensely, Wufei edged closer, putting an arm around Duo. "Hey, Duo...it's okay..."  
  
Stricken violet eyes turned themselves on the Chinese. "Oh, gods Wufei...I thought I could change the world...I thought I could make him love me."   
  
//Fuck formality.// Wufei took Duo into his arms, as a gesture of comfort, gently stroking the silken chestnut locks, feeling the anguish and agony radiate from death himself as he cried in the larger boy's gentle embrace. "Don't worry, Duo...don't worry...he *does* love you..." Those four words seemed to wrench themselves from Wufei, each a dagger twisted deeper in his heart. He knew Heero loved this boy...  
  
"But then, why? Why did he go?" he murmured, ashamed of himself for being so weak, but to wounded to care.   
  
Wufei rested his chin on top of Duo's head, gently rocking him as if he were a small, lost child. "I don't know, Duo, I don't know...  
  
A small voice found Wufei. "What the hell am I gonna do?"  
  
...a good list of reasons to know that I'm special...   
  
The answer was already known to the chinese boy. But he didn't want to say it--it would be too hard. //Don't be selfish, Chang...it's the only way he'll ever be happy. And that's what you really want. Even if it's not with you...as long as he's happy, you don't matter.//  
  
"Go after him." Wufei whispered, the pain of his words greater than a thousand deaths, a million defeats. He had to let him go. Somewhere, an old proverb resounded in his mind. //If you love something, set it free...if it returns, it was meant to be.// Wufei was sure of the outcome. They were not meant to be. Duo was Heero's...and nothing, no one, not even destiny would keep them apart. //As long is it would make you happy...//  
  
...and you're halfway there, but you're halfway down  
and you just can't seem to get your ass out of town  
and sometimes a dream is what makes you a slave...  
  
"Go...after him?" Duo hiccupped, the main of his crying spent. The idea seemed so novel, so strange he wouldn't be the one to think of such a thing. "Do you think it will make any difference?"  
  
As much as his mind screamed at him to deny it, Wufei slowly nodded. "Yes." There. He'd said it. His soul cried out in infinite agony, even as it reveled in the raising of Duo's spirit.  
  
...to know that I'm different, to know that I'm better...  
  
"I can't," he whispered, at last, "I can't go..."  
  
Wufei regarded the braided boy silently, the last of his mind's futile resistance giving way to the pursuit of another's dream... He sighed, reluctantly disengaging himself from Duo. "Come on, Maxwell...I'll take you."  
  
There was no turning back for Wufei. He'd finalized the deal...he only hoped it would work. That Duo would smile once again...  
  
...and you can't back up cos you're against the wall  
and it's the same goddamn thing I told you  
sometimes a dream is what makes you a slave...  
  
Quatre stared at the television screen, shock and pain contorting his gentle features. //Oh, Allah...Heero, what have you done? I can feel it--you don't love her. You belong to Duo...you love him. Why are you doing this to yourselves?//  
  
Trowa could sense the anguish in the tiny blonde he held in his arms. "Quatre, are you okay?" He looked back at the screen, watching with detached interest as his former fellow pilot stood before the alter, about to give himself to Relena Peacecraft. It was all rather ironic, in a way, to him--he remembered all the times Heero had threatened, had vowed, to kill her...the world was funny in that way, wasn't it? He turned his attention back to his koibito, who seemed absolutely miserable.  
  
"Trowa...he doesn't love her. He left Duo...and he still loves him. How could he do it? He's in as much pain as Duo...and he's still doing this. It's not right. I don't understand..."   
  
The one visible eye flickered back to the television screen, catching a quick close-up of Heero Yuy. He knew about Quatre's *special* senses, and knew that if that was what Quatre saw, that was reality. There was no questioning it, the arabian had always been able to see through all of them. And indeed, Trowa could see indescribable pain in his cobalt eyes flare once, brilliantly, before sinking back into those impassive depths. //Heero?! What the hell are you doing?!//  
  
"Quatre...don't get so upset...I don't know what's going on, but I know it will all work out in the end. Don't be so sad, bright eyes...it's all right..."  
  
baby, its alright...  
  
  
...look around  
do you see anyone for themselves  
like you see yourself?  
so, why do you feel so all alone?  
  
*****  
  
Okay, that's it! Yes, folks, breathe! It's done with! That wasn't too hard...I guess. I kinda was going to have it end completely differently, but for some odd reason Wufei knocked on Duo-kun's door, and I let him in. I guess cos I was always a fan of 2x5, more than 1x2.   
  
So I'm posed with a dilemma. I don't know which I want to pursue, on the subject of who gets Duo. I've actually got it all planned out, the songs and all, in either case. But I need help, here. So, someone, give me direction, along with questions, criticisms (and I can take it straight!), suggestions, or even your grandmother's favorite cookie recipe...and I will take flames. But be warned, I have a sharp tongue and I reply.   
  
Xellos: *grins widely* you see, she enjoys a good fight. And she likes to yell at people. So you're just going to give her an excuse.  
Miriya: *hits Xellos with the staff of Magius* Don't give away the secret, mazoku!  
Xellos: *bows* hai, I'll be nice. *snickers*  
  
But anyway...I thank you for making all the way through this story, as horrible or wonderful as you thought it was. I'm kind of fond of it, actually...I'm beginning to think that my way of showing affection for my boys is trying to hurt them as much as possible. Man, if that isn't a fucked up way to go...  
  
  
Until Next time (if you venture back into my twisted little mind to see who gets the braided wonder!), your friend/savior/tormentor/evil person-who-haunts-you-in-your-worst-nightmares,  
  
Miriya Valentine  
  
dragon_nataku@yahoo.com  



	2. Default Chapter Title

soft shoulder  
  
  
Here we go...part 2 of this somewhat interesting little songfic series...are you still there? Oh. You are? Good, I think....this must mean you are at least somewhat interested in whether or not Wuffie will get his man. I don't know yet, to tell you the truth. I'll just play it as it goes along, so watch out. And once again, as much as I want them, my boys are not exactly mine. Just in my own mind. (Bis alert! Miriya is now in insanity mode!) And I swear, I am a huge 2x5 fan!!! I just live for pathos, thus this piece of madness.  
  
As before, ~squiggly lines~ indicate dreams. Such strange things they are...dreams, I mean.  
  
The lyrics, *once again, in italics* are from Soft Shoulder, one of the greatest songs I have ever heard, by the guitar goddess Ani Difranco. She's really something, you know that? Inspiration galore! And the only singer I know (save for maybe Pink Floyd) with as many albums, if not more than REM!  
  
And this time, I would like to personally thank all those people who encourage me to keep writing these twisted little stories...and the gods of anime who created the pawns for me to play with in the first place. Amen...*bow, bow* May the gods bless you all and keep you inspired... And thank you, Beloved Reader, for ingesting this little dream world of mine.   
  
So. On to the show.  
  
~Miriya Valentine, twisted spinner of dark dreams and sad tales~  
  
Oh, yeah. Um, if ya want it, just tell me where it's going, kay? (*thinks* would someone want this?) Warnings...um I'm not sure what you'd call it...this story is absolutely dripping with sentimentality, no citrus whatsoever (*shrinks back* sorry, lemon-heads...later! I promise! *grumbles* that is if someone likes my stuff...), sadness. Lots of sadness. And Hee-sama having a hell of a time making up his mind...I don't think it's that bad, really. Oh, and quick apology--I'm still really new at this, but I promise better will come along later.  
*************************************************  
  
I don't keep much stuff around   
I value my portability   
but I will say that I have saved  
every letter you ever wrote to me...  
  
Heero stood in front of a massive oak-rimmed mirror, deep in the heart of the Peacecraft castle, holding a crumpled and worn piece of paper as if it were a dear friend. The writing, though faded and smudged, was the most important thing he had at this moment. Save, perhaps, for the treasured memory of a braided angel who he'd left behind. He didn't even need to look at the letter, he'd long ago memorized every word, every curve of the elegant script.  
  
1 hour. 60 minutes until he sold his soul. He looked up, empty-eyed, empty-hearted, into the pristine glass, grimacing at the haggard reflection it threw back at him. He'd not been able to sleep, his betrayal had haunted him even in his dreams. Still, reasons unknown to even himself, he stayed here, instead of running back to the one he loved, like his heart constantly begged him.   
  
There was a knock on the door. Heero turned, tenderly folding the battered piece of paper back into its original form, placing in his breast pocket. Close to his heart. Then, with a sigh, he moved across the floor, opening the door to admit Relena's personal butler.   
  
Pargan looked at Heero in mild surprise. The boy looked like he'd received little sleep, but the old man figured it was due to pre-marital jitters. After all, within a few hours, he'd be married to the most powerful girl in the world. He put on his most affable smile, inclining his head slightly to the Japanese boy. "Are you ready, Heero?"  
  
Silently, the dark-haired boy nodded, bowing his head. "I am."  
  
...the one you left on my windshield   
outside of that little motel  
is in the pocket of my old gig bag   
from back when life was more soft shell ...  
  
Heero now sat in an old-fashioned velvet chair, Duo's letter once again in his grasp. He couldn't forget about him, as much as he tried. The memory would never fade, as long as Heero lived, would never dull in the slightest. //So why the hell am I here?// Truthfully, he could not answer himself.  
  
He could already hear the din of the already gathered crowd. Everyone loved Relena, wanted to be there in her moment of glory...everyone but Heero. The formal attire the Sanq Kingdom was stiff and constricting, reminding him of his life to come. Trying to escape, he closed his eyes, remembering one of the happier moments with Duo. It had been something so simple, just the two of them, Duo snuggled close to him, telling him of the life he'd led prior to the great war...but any moment with the braided one was infinitely precious, good times or bad.  
  
Heaving a great sigh, he turned his attention back to the letter, a gentle, sad smile playing across his lips as he looked at the silly drawing Duo had scribbled along with the note. He'd always known how to make Heero smile.   
  
20 minutes.  
  
...letters littered with little lewd pictures   
drawn by the ghost of woody guthrie   
who would use your big thick hand   
just to draw one or two for me...   
  
"Hey, Duo...are you awake?" Wufei Chang kept tired eyes on the road, watching disinterestedly as the thin yellow lines passed beside the car. He'd been driving for a long time, with nothing but the radio and Duo's erratic bouts of chattering. But that was enough for the silent Chinese boy...Duo's presence was more than enough.  
  
The braided boy seemed to slip between moods, one moment cheerful, almost back to normal, then the next moment, especially if a sad song came on the air, contemplative and withdrawn. In the time they'd been traveling, Wufei'd managed to read quite deeply into the other boy's mind, painfully realizing that he would never be whole without Heero. Even at his most cheerful, he knew it was only a shadow of Duo's former self, something to keep him alive. He needed Heero like a drowning man needed air, and Wufei would never be able to take his place, even had he the chance.  
  
The Chinese boy brushed a strand of raven hair back behind his ear. That was the painful truth of reality.   
  
"I'm still here, Wu-man...what's on your mind?" The violet eyed boy whispered, floating somewhere between the two extremes.  
  
//You.// "Not much, Duo. We should be there by tomorrow." Wufei replied guardedly, keeping his eyes from straying to his companion. He knew he should begin the process of rebuilding the walls around his heart now, but didn't have the energy to even attempt such a monumental battle with himself. It was easier just to let the pain fill him, wash over him like a tidal wave.   
  
"I don't think it will be in time."   
  
Wufei sighed softly, gripping the wheel more firmly, as if for support. "It doesn't matter. Time has no meaning." //Time is everything...my time here with you...too short, even if for eternity...//  
  
  
...I think of your letters as love letters   
which is how I think of songs   
in that it is the writing of them   
that tends to carry us along...   
  
"It's time." Pargan's voice was gentle, bringing the Japanese boy from his far-away reverie. Somehow, the old man realized that it wasn't jitters at all. He wondered if this was the right decision...the boy hadn't the heart for what was going to happen...  
  
Without a word, Heero stood, tucking away a folded piece of paper. "Thank you."   
  
And then, the old man escorted the boy to his place, feeling suddenly weary. The crowd, the lights seemed at once too much, too bright. But there was no turning back now. Today was the day. The little girl he'd raised was growing up, much too quickly, and today she was going to give herself completely to this boy, who stood here completely expressionless. Serene. As if about to be sacrificed, thrown to the wolves.   
  
Heero stood at the end of the aisle, looking out over the multitude of people gathered for this day. He felt suddenly dizzy, nodding to one girl who waved at him, recognizing her from one of the schools he'd attended. There were so many people there, each a part of this girl's life, nameless faces that he'd encountered in his life. That he would encounter again, in this new life he was about to begin.   
  
A sudden hush, then the collective intake of breath as Relena stepped through a door, arms linked with her oldest friend and guardian. She was absolutely radiant, dressed as a true queen would, focused completely on the boy she was to marry. But Heero could not see, his mind was spinning another vision, one with darker hair and an irrepressible smile that gave him life. //What the hell is going on?//  
  
The girl seemed to glide up the aisle, Heero linking arms with her for the final stretch, movements automaton. But that held no meaning for the child of the Peacecrafts, she knew that he'd change in time. //All I need is time, Heero...you'll see...//  
  
The priest looked the couple over, thumbing open the small book in his withered hands. Something didn't seem quite right, there was no joy, nothing even remotely close to happiness in the boy's expression. No emotion at all. He'd heard the story of the legendary Heero Yuy, and wondered if this was the way he would be forever, even at this exuberant girl's side. He made no words of it, however, and simply began reciting the sacred passages that would seal the two together for as long as forever was, however long that was anymore.  
  
Heero could only hear a dull buzz of the old man's voice, his mind was once again weaving another dream even as he stood before the alter.   
  
~ "I do." the words were completely mechanical, as if forced from his lips. Heero turned to look at his bride, watching her face impassively as she leaned toward him, their lips meeting, sealing the hallowed rite. He felt as if he was suffocating in the gesture, but endured silently.  
  
"It's done, Heero." she whispered, a radiant smile on her face. He nodded.  
  
He led her out onto the dance floor, as tradition demanded, taking her in his arms. All around them, people watched, the orchestra striking up a cheerful tune. With shock, he realized it was the one Duo had often listened to, sometimes coaxing Heero away from the laptop to dance with him.   
  
The crowd revolved around them in time with the music, and Heero looked past her shoulder to the faceless people, every move precise. In a flurry of motion, partners were switched, Heero acquiescing his bride to one of the faceless individuals that whirled around them. Then, with mild curiosity, he looked down at his new partner.   
  
Sparkling amaryllis eyes smiled up at him, framed by rich chestnut. Duo.  
  
Heero embraced him tightly, burying his head in the other boy's long mane. "Gods...Duo, I'm so sorry...forgive me..."  
  
Still smiling brilliantly, he faded from Heero's embrace...  
  
He stood alone on the dance floor, a sense of loneliness threatening to consume him. "Duo!"  
  
There was no answer.~   
  
...and I danced to tone of your old tunes   
with my true love on our wedding day...   
  
Heero started, glancing at his side in horror. There was no way out...was there? He suddenly stepped back, as if just realizing the magnitude of this event.  
  
"Heero?" Relena asked softly, glancing worriedly at him.  
  
"Relena...I'm sorry. I can't do this." His voice was distant, hardly comprehending her at all. One face, one person in his mind.... He turned and stumbled down the aisle, ignoring the startled murmur of the crowd, the bright lights of the cameras as they documented his retreat from the shocked girl who stood numbly, still in place. //Tell me this isn't happening! Gods, Heero...don't go...//  
  
He didn't look back. //Duo! I'm coming for you!//  
  
It was almost dark. Wufei rubbed at his eyes in a state of mild exhaustion, listening as another song came on the radio. Duo had been quiet for quite a while, though he was still not asleep. "Hey, Wu-man...you ever heard this song before?"  
  
"No." The tune was soft, a soft alto singing with noticeable emotion.   
  
"It's one of my favorites," came a soft reply, and Duo began to sing quietly along with the radio. Wufei listened, more to the gentle tenor than the singer herself, and could feel the heavy strain of the lyric's impact on his soul. //So tragic...just like your situation.//  
  
"I've a lack of inhibition, I've had a loss of perspective,  
I've had a little bit to drink, and it's making me think  
That I can jump ship and swim, that the ocean will hold me  
Cos there's got to be more than this boat I'm in..."  
  
"Hai," Wufei breathed, "so true..."  
  
...and your voice sang the way my heart would sing   
if it finally knew just what to say...   
  
"They can call me crazy if I fail, all the chance that I need  
Is one in a million, they can call me brilliant, if I succeed,  
Gravity's nothing to me, moving at the speed of sound,  
I'm gonna get my feet wet until I drown..."   
  
Duo seemed to choked up to continue, and Wufei made no comment. He himself felt the sadness flow over him as the song sank in, marveling at how a simple piece of music could play with emotions in such a profound way. It seemed to fit the occasion, and that alone, that someone would be able to describe such intense pain in this way, was devastation in itself. //No one should ever go through this...//  
  
And in silence, Wufei drove on, allowing Duo to go on unsuspecting. Within the course of an hour, Duo was asleep, his soft, steady breathing a comfort to the sad Chinese boy, perhaps the one who loved him more than anyone else. The silent watcher, the braided boy's protector, under the mask of close friend...Duo would never know.  
  
Hours later, Wufei finally looked at the clock on the dashboard. 12:24 am, and still far from their destination. He was suddenly startled by Duo's soft voice. "Wu-man...could ya stop for a while? I mean, so we can stretch or something? I'm really tired, and I can just imagine how you feel."  
  
"Alright." The Chinese pilot pulled over on the side of the road, turning off everything but the radio. He quietly stepped out of the car, stretching, then sitting on the hood. Duo also got out, every moon-kissed move followed by Wufei's watchful onyx gaze.  
  
He stretched languorously, looking all too ethereal in the soft moonlight. To Wufei, it wasn't hard to imagine angel wings unfurling from the smaller boy's back-iridescent white wings spreading out to engulf the chasm-rift distance between them. To reach out and touch them...  
  
Duo turned, joining his raven-haired friend on the hood. He lay back against the still-warm metal, head resting on his folded arms, the brilliant violet eyes hidden by long-lashed eyelids. Wufei gazed in silent contemplation at the other boy, the vision of downy wings still fresh in his mind's eye. That faraway dream where there was no pain, and he could be the one to comfort the young angel...  
  
"Heero and I used to go out and look up at the stars all night...back then," the braided boy said softly, opening his eyes to look at Wufei. To him, it seemed the whole universe was reflected in those bright violet eyes, huge...and tragically empty. A broken universe, looking for completion, begging for that which would make it whole again. That dream faded slowly, graying until there was only the dark angel before him, so close, yet so inconceivably far away. //Fate is a cruel thing...// "They seem so different from here. Like they're messed up somehow...I don't know why." Duo's voice was thoughtful as he returned his gaze to the sparkling cosmos above.  
  
"Because we're so far away from home." Wufei replied, the scholarly tone creeping into the Chinese boy's soft tenor. //Indeed...so far away...//  
  
...two people pulled over on the same night   
to look up at the same stars   
they both found their wheels were spinning in a soft shoulder   
when they both got back into their cars ...  
  
Duo smiled slightly. "I guess you're right, Wufei," he whispered. "It'll be nice when we get back, won't it?"   
  
He didn't see the slight misting of velvet onyx eyes, didn't feel the heated pain smoldering, burning the edges of the other boy's mind. "It'll be great, Duo." He'd long ago dropped the old 'Maxwell' he'd so frequently used to address the braided boy. Part of him was dying, so slowly, so painfully...  
  
He laid back as well, his shoulder brushing the bent elbow of his companion. The stars did seem strange here, and he saw why Duo insisted they were out of place.  
  
The soft strains of a song came on the radio, and both boys listened in silence as a singer told the tragic tale of unrequited love, the agonizing pain of greatest loss. There seemed to be nothing more to say, perhaps both were fearing to break the strange barrier between them that had been erected, one knowing neither how or why. But he took it in stride, knowing Wufei was not the most talkative person. And he understood, to the best of his knowledge-completely unaware of the agony the Chinese was bearing for him.  
  
Wufei fought his feelings desperately, praying that he'd have the strength to continue to wear his mask of simple concern. It was the only way to survive this intense pain. But the battle was a losing one, he was too weary to fight much longer...  
  
...and they missed fate's appointed rendezvous   
and then a whole lotta time went by...  
  
From his side, a pale, slender arm reached out, long fingers extended out towards the starry sky above, blotting out the full moon with a fingertip. "I kinda wish I could touch 'em," the quiet tenor spoke, closing his eyes with a soft sigh. "They look so far away. It was fun being out among them, up in space, don't you think, Wufei?"  
  
The Chinese boy was surprised that his companion had dropped the usual "Wu-man" name he proclaimed to hate so badly, actually using his full name. He smiled slightly at this small concession. "We were always fighting in space, Duo," he muttered, studying the stars above.  
  
"But-"  
  
"Yes, it was nice being up there."  
  
Duo sighed inaudibly. Wufei had always held a special place in Duo's heart, and Duo knew he always would. He'd long ago fallen for the silent warrior's infallible strength and courage, and chased him until he realized that Wufei would never love him back. And so, he'd formed a relationship with Heero, and had found true happiness. Or so he'd thought. He looked back on his memories, knowing the very gesture of chasing Heero proved the Chinese wanted nothing more than friendship. He absently wondered what would have been if he'd said something, disclosing his true feelings with Wufei before he'd loved Heero. But he'd never know, now. It was much too late for that.  
  
As he lowered his hand, Duo turned to glance at his companion, surprised to see two shining onyx orbs mirroring his reflection back at him. He smiled slightly at the other boy, the expression one of camaraderie and promise.  
  
...and then one day they were done worshipping the landscape   
and they just put down their hands and moved into the sky...  
  
Promise that he'd be happy one day again. Wufei swallowed hard, giving Duo a weak smile in return. //He looks so beautiful when he smiles...//   
  
Both boys looked at each other for a while, each wondering what the other was thinking. There was a peculiar sort of peace that hovered protectively over the pair, allowing each to see inside the other, though both of them brushed such insight off as mere fantasy.   
  
Wufei was the first to break the silence, made uncomfortable by the strange calm. He sat up, rubbing his temples, wishing for the strength to keep going. Duo seemed to feel better, though, and that gave him at least a little peace of mind. "We need to get going, Duo," he whispered, eyes still focused on his violet-eyed companion.  
  
The sadness in Duo's heart was well hidden as he relinquished his position on the hood. //I guess I'll always wonder...// "I guess...let's head out, ne?"   
  
There was no reply from the raven-haired boy, only a nod as he opened the door. Duo climbed into the car, and smiled at the stars. //It won't be long, now...//  
  
Wufei pulled back onto the deserted highway, turning on the headlights to light the way. It was already past one, and he wanted to get to the next town, find a hotel, and get at least a little sleep before heading out on the last leg of their journey. It was getting even harder to continue like this...  
  
...they had barely said hello then it was time to say goodbye...  
  
  
~fin~  
******************  
  
And so ends part 2 of this delightful little series. I'm really sorry about this, folks, but I had to. If it makes you feel better, 2x5ers, I'm crying as I finish this. I've written some really sad shit before, death and loss and tragedy in general, but this one really strikes a chord with me.   
  
miriya: *hugs wufei* I'm so sorry!!!  
wufei: then why did you do it? It could have gone either way!  
duo: *sniffs* but I don't even like Hee-chan! He's mean! *looks at miriya imploringly*  
miriya: *wipes eyes* I swear I'll never do it again...  
duo: *nods* okay, if you promise...  
  
Excuse me, conversing with my boys...but as I was saying, I'm not the happy-ending kind of person so I had to do it this way. Don't hate me! (Wufei is glaring at me right now, and Duo is holding a scythe to my muse's throat in a rather threatening fashion.) But if you're not fond of this--have no fear! Only one more part until it's over!  
  
And if you were wondering, the song that came on the radio that Duo was singing with was none other than Swan Dive, also by Ani Difranco. I consider this my anthem, in a way, and it wanted to be heard in this story, so I obliged. And Wufei is right, it is *really* sad, one of the saddest songs I have ever heard in my life.   
  
Once again, questions, criticisms, comments, and cookie-recipes are begged of you. *imploring anime eyes* Please??? I have no life, so this is of high interest to me. Thank you for reading this, too, by the way--I just thought I should say...  
  
And so, beloved reader, tune in next time for part 3...Providence. Good day/night/morning, and Shinigami keep you safe.  
  
Miriya Valentine  
  
miriya_valentine@hotmail.com  



	3. Default Chapter Title

providence  
  
Alright...this is it, folks! The last leg of the journey...you know, it's been fun while it lasted. I really wasn't sure about writing yaoi (I'm not a homophobe, but I'd never really endeavored into this field, you see), but I think I like how this has turned out. I guess you can most likely expect more from this disillusioned little cynic. I'd like to dedicate this series to the people at the WufeiDuoyaoimL, who encouraged this madness...I really appreciate all the encouragement, and apologize profusely for the delay...I got held back, and Duo didn't want to let go of my muse (he looks strangely like our darling little Wu-sama).   
  
But, after dodging and fighting the horrors of writer's block, and a week long trip to Oregon (that was quite nice, actually), I have returned to finish this piece. I can only hope you enjoyed this ride as much as I did, but if you're not quite satisfied, a full refund can be obtained upon request. But I can't guarantee you'll appreciate that much, either.  
  
Gods, I wish they were mine...but they're not. Damn, ne? There's no need to go over my little idiosyncrasies in punctuation...they're most likely familiar to you by now. And archive is good.  
  
So, may Shinigami grant me grace as I make my way down the home stretch...here I go...  
********************************  
  
Heero'd been riding his motorcycle nonstop all day and night. Despite his near-exhausted state, he had a mission, his final objective--a beautiful face that haunted him his entire journey, calling to him, keeping him awake and striving for home--for his Duo. He couldn't stop, he had to keep going...Duo was calling to him...he could almost hear the braided boy's hypnotic voice over the steady hum of the bike.  
  
Duo awoke finally, casting a sleepy glance at his placid companion. Wufei amazed him to no extent, he'd been driving for so long, not even stopping for a nap. Duo'd offered to take over the wheel, but the Chinese was relentless in the pursuit of his friend's wayward koibito. Duo couldn't even begin to express his gratitude, wishing there was something he could do to repay his closest friend. He smiled timidly at Wufei, reflecting on this impulsive trip. So much was at stake, and Wufei...the Chinese had revealed another, gentler, facet of himself, one that was capable of caring and warmth. That had surprised Duo--he'd been surprised at the fact that Wufei had come at all.   
  
And what could have been... "Wufei?" He whispered softly, turning to face his companion.  
  
Wufei glanced over at Duo, trying hard to keep the pain from surfacing. "Nani?"  
  
Duo opened his mouth, but no sound emerged. He wanted to tell Wufei to stop, turn around--anything, anything at all. But the expression, or lack thereof, in his large onyx eyes stopped the braided boy from continuing. //We'll never know...I'm sorry. I can't say it. I love Heero...but I'll always wonder...// "Ah--nothing Wu-man...how're ya holding up?"  
  
...it's a narrow margin   
just room enough for regret   
in the inch and a half between   
hey how ya been? and can I kiss you yet?   
  
Wufei blinked slowly, turning his gaze back to the road ahead. He could see the streetlight, the mark of a small town, and raised a hand to brush the hair from his eyes. "I'm gonna stop up here, Duo...I need to get some sleep." He wondered what Duo had been trying to say--he could sense that the braided angel was holding something back. //It's alright, I won't push it...//  
  
"Sounds good," came a tired reply, "you must be really tired." Then he was silent once more, lost in his thoughts, feeling more alone than he'd ever felt before in his life. He could only pray that Heero indeed awaited him, as Wufei had promised.  
  
//It's almost over,// Wufei agonized, feeling his heart fold in on itself. Even now, he prayed for something to happen, for even the courage to say something, but he knew he couldn't. He was no coward, but he didn't want to do anything to jeopardize the friendly relationship he had with Duo. //He loves Heero...I should be happy. I *am* happy, for you, Duo...//  
  
...so we talk like nervous neighbors   
over a tall fence   
true love--  
but for the lack of providence...  
  
The town could hardly be called so, consisting of little more than a bar and a few houses spread out, surrounding the building like sentinels. Fortunately, the tavern was also an inn, and he would have to go no farther tonight. With a sigh, he pulled into the small parking lot, empty except for an ancient rusted Ford pickup truck. It was well past 3 a.m., and he felt exhausted beyond belief.  
  
Duo's enthusiasm was evident as he squinted up at the blinking neon sign. He was glad to remove himself from the confines of the car, and was out even before Wufei had turned off the engine. "Coming, Wu-man?" His mask was in place once more, Wufei realized. He dimly wondered if he would ever see the real Duo again. //Don't think about it...// Together, the motley pair entered the bar.  
  
...I guess now we could just get drunk   
yeah and that could be our excuse  
you could slip and out of nowhere   
I'd be there to catch your fall...  
  
Heero was so tired he could barely see straight. As much as he wanted to keep going, he knew he'd have to stop soon and get some rest. The steady hum of the motorcycle was lulling him deeper into a state of obliviousness. //I'll never see Duo again if I crash this thing...// Luckily, he could see a light in the distance, and gunned the throttle, speeding towards that single brilliant light. Closer inspection revealed a tiny bar, surrounded by old houses. It looked almost empty, only 2 vehicles were out in front. He parked the motorcycle beside a car, and tiredly stumbled into the building.  
  
He was not prepared for what he was to find.  
  
Duo sat across the table from Wufei, nursing his drink and nodding to the music of the old jukebox in the corner. This was not the French Riviera, as far as bars went, but the beer was cold, and the barkeep friendly. Head resting on his arms, Wufei slumped on the table, a cup of hot tea clasped in his hand. Unlike Duo, he didn't share his American friend's affinity for alcohol, and wished for nothing more than sleep. He'd acquired the keys to a two-bed room, and had only stayed in the smoky bar below at Duo's request. He closed his eyes, listening to the slow beat of the music, letting it lull him into a dreamy state of unfeelingness, though he was acutely aware of the braided angel across from him. He was ever amazed at the boundless energy Duo possessed.  
  
...and we could laugh at ourselves   
and at the writing that's on the wall...  
  
"Oh, my gods," Duo suddenly whispered, looking up at the new patron. The japanese boy's hair was disheveled beyond repair, his face was all too familiar. "Heero..."   
  
Wufei sat up suddenly, the hot liquid sloshing over the rim of the cracked cup he held, burning his fingers. He jerked his hand away, glancing up at Duo quizzically. But Duo's gaze was focused unwaveringly at the door, amaryllis eyes misting over at the sight of his koibito. Heero had come...had somehow found him here, of all places. Why wasn't he with Relena?  
  
who'd have known  
at this party that I   
would walk in and I'd see you?  
  
Wufei finally turned his head, following Duo's gaze to where Heero stood tiredly, cobalt eyes locked on their table. Duo didn't move, just stared straight at the other boy, unable to even breathe. The moment lasted for what seemed an eternity, and it wasn't until Heero moved towards them that Wufei released the breath he didn't realize he'd held back. It seemed to unreal, and he wondered if he was locked in a dream. But it wasn't a dream, it was real, too real...  
  
"Duo..." Heero's voice was filled with a myriad emotion, and what couldn't be heard could clearly be seen in those cobalt eyes. He'd found Duo here, in this bar, so far away from home...with Wufei. He wondered where the Chinese came into all of this, but made no motion towards the thought.   
  
Duo, finally broken from his trance, was up in an instant, slender arms thrown around Heero's neck. "Heero...I missed you *so* much..." he whispered, closing his eyes, burying his face in Heero's shaggy mane. Everything would be alright, now, Heero was here, and it would all be okay... "We came for you, Heero."  
  
Wufei, temporarily forgotten in the reunion, stood up silently, facing Heero. The Japanese boy held the excited American tightly, whispering inaudibly to his koibito, though deep cobalt riveted itself on the silent Wufei. He made no sound, but the Chinese could tell everything. Indeed, this act of fate proved how much Duo and Heero were perfect together. And something inside of him died, even as he smiled softly in Duo's glee. He was happy once again...  
  
"Don't ever hurt him again, Heero." The words, though mouthed silently to the Japanese, carried the weight of his plea stronger than anything else. And Heero understood, that much was proved in the way he embraced Duo tighter, an infinitely gentle expression crossing his usually stoic features. Wufei bowed his head, turning back to the cup of tea awaiting him on the table. He didn't see Heero's reply.  
  
"Never again."  
  
...but I got just one more thing to tell you  
cuz words are like vitamins and life is short   
and I know when we get up to the front office   
we're gonna have to fill out a full report...   
  
The reunited couple finally broke their embrace, returning to the table where Wufei sat alone. "I guess we don't have to go any further, ne, Wufei?" Duo was absolutely glowing, giving the Chinese at least a little peace of mind. //He's happy...//   
  
"True, Duo...our journey ends here, I suppose." There was reluctance in the phrase, felt by both the speaker, and its recipient. Heero could sense some kind of bond between the two, something he would never be a part of, but said nothing. They all sat there, and silence descended on the trio, claiming the thoughts and hearts of each. So much to say, but now was not the time. Duo was surprised by how much he wanted to keep going, to never stop. But Heero was here, and there was no time to voice these things he felt. No time, no way... "Be right back...I gotta hit the john." That was the only way he could think of to escape these things, to think this over.   
  
Wufei looked up, watching Duo disappear into the bathroom. He could feel Heero's penetrating cobalt gaze resting upon him, finally turning to face his friend's wayward lover. "You love him, don't you?" Heero's voice was soft, not at all angry or disgusted. Wufei looked up sharply, onyx eyes widening slightly at the frank question. What could he say?  
  
"Duo loves you, Heero. What I feel, or do not feel, has nothing to do with it. Don't betray him." That was as close to a confession as he could muster, in the face of such blatant scrutiny. Better to retain as much dignity as possible...he'd walked into this mess, it was up to him to dance out, forever bearing the scars of what could never be. Would it always hurt like this?   
  
"I understand, Wufei...thank you." How strange to hear those words from Heero Yuy, the perfect soldier, the one who held the heart of the braided angel he'd so loved. But Heero did indeed understand, better than he could voice. The agony of losing something so dear, putting aside such strong emotion to appease the heart of another...that was true love, and Heero feared that he would come up short in comparison. But he'd try...by the Gods, he'd try--to be everything that Duo, *his* Duo, deserved.  
  
...the first question will be what were you thinking?   
and the next question will be what did you say?   
and then they're gonna check to see   
if the answers to one and two   
matched up much along the way...  
  
"Please, take good care of him, Heero." Then the Chinese stood, tossing a key to Heero. "Room 22." And that was all. With a brief nod, the raven-haired pilot turned and left the bar, stopping only to pay the tab. He had to leave now, before it all came undone. His work had been done, Duo was happy, reunited with the one he loved...there was no more place for Wufei there. It was done. Final. No chance of returning...  
  
Heero nodded to the retreating Chinese, raising a hand in farewell. He was indeed grateful to Wufei, more than he could voice. //In his place...would I have done the same?//  
  
He didn't think so.  
  
Wufei stepped out into the early morning, noticing a faint pink tinge across the horizon, staining the snow-capped mountains. He'd lost all sense of exhaustion...lost all feeling whatsoever. Comfortably numb. And that was where he wanted to be at that moment, given a rest from the sickening heartache that had crushed him for days; that would continue to haunt him, endlessly. Was this what it was like to be in love?  
  
...in the interest of poetry   
and the cowboy movie   
that's you and me   
I'm back on the horse, now   
and I am riding;  
I am striding so effortlessly...   
  
Duo returned to the table, looking around for his companion. "Where's Wufei?" Duo asked innocently, turning his brilliant violet eyes on Heero, "did he go to bed already?" Heero folded his hands, leaning heavily on the table.  
  
"He's gone."  
  
"What?" Duo's voice was full of disbelief. "He just walked out?" Heero nodded solemnly.  
  
Duo sighed, turning towards the door quickly. "Be right back, Heero." With that, he ran to the door, chasing his closest friend in the world. Heero...he loved Heero, but it was Wufei who truly understood him, perhaps better than anyone. And he was just leaving? Like that? Duo shouldered his way out the door, praying that he wasn't already gone.  
  
"Wufei!"   
  
The accused looked up, halfway-sitting down in the driver's seat. He was surprised to see Duo there, that much was written in his eyes. "Duo?" The old ache returned, obviously fate had dismissed the possibility of respite from those haunting feelings. The Black Dragon observed the God of Death with a horrific mixture of pain and love, praying for solace from those luminous amaryllis eyes. //Why can't I let him go?//  
  
Incredulity was clearly marked in the braided boy's expression. "So...you weren't even gonna say goodbye?" He seemed, to Wufei, to be almost hurt by the seeming unfeelingness displayed by his actions. Had he hurt him? Certainly, that was not, nor was ever, his intention.   
  
He flushed with shame, looking away towards the horizon. "I'm sorry." He truly meant it, wishing that the braided angel would understand. No...he didn't want him to understand, for that would mean that his true feelings would be compromised. Another ache to bear, another wound to sear his soul.  
  
Duo observed the emotions crossing the Chinese's face. There should be no hiding from each other--they were too close for that. Or at least that was what Duo had grown to believe. Was he wrong? He was as confused as the other, though neither could explain it. Or was Wufei indeed hiding something from him? He wanted to know so badly, but couldn't find the strength to give voice to his questions. //What's happened?//  
  
Wufei watched as Duo descended the stairs, the intense agony growing inside of him. //Why can't I get over this? Why does it have to hurt so fucking much? Gods...// Duo moved with such aching eloquence, coming closer to his companion, jigsaw-puzzle thoughts scattering about his mind, yearning to be fit together...to give the boy an answer. He stopped a few feet in front of Wufei, still searching for that answer. The Chinese looked like a god, standing, staring at the braided angel with the same confused expression across his elegant face. And finally he understood. //But I love Heero. I can't say anything...it wouldn't be right. But-//  
  
"Wufei...I--"  
  
"Yes?" There was a faint glimmer of hope in his luminous onyx eyes. Did he understand what was unspoken?  
  
Unable to do anything else, Duo hugged Wufei tightly, the gesture speaking camaraderie. "I'll miss ya, Wufei." he smiled sadly, lost for words, lost to himself. Wufei returned his friend's embrace, almost shaking with unspeakable pain. This was it--after this--what was there? "Promise you'll come and visit, okay?" There was no way he could refuse even this small request, as much as it would sting in the future.   
  
Wufei smiled gently, feeling the ache of unshed tears, taking a deep breath. "He's waiting for you, Duo."  
  
...what I mean is it's late   
much too late for us,  
and I'm fixing to go home   
with just my conscience   
and my bitter sense   
of irony as my chaperone...  
  
"Yeah," Duo admitted, letting go of his friend for the last time. "I guess I'd better go. Bye, man." But there was so much left unspoken as the braided angel turned back to the bar, wistful grace marking each slow step. //I guess I'll always wonder...//  
  
Closing his eyes, Wufei blinked back tears as he retreated into the relative safety of his car.   
  
//I'll always wonder...//  
  
...true love but for lack of providence...  
  
~fin.  
  
*******************************  
  
Okay, listening to Aerith's theme (from Final Fantasy VII) isn't helping the dry-eye factor as I finish this. *grabs tissue* My gods, I feel the pain!   
  
duo: *holding wufei chibi plushie and crying* why, man, why? It didn't have to be that way!   
wufei: *sniffs* that's unjust! don't you have any compassion?  
miriya: *wipes eyes* Gomen! Gomen! I can't help it that I'm evil! My muses made me that way!!  
  
So, how did you like it? Sad, I know, but necessary. For all you 1x2x5 people (and there were a lot) I really thought about it...but then it would have a happy ending, and that just wouldn't do. (Gods, do I sound like Dorothy or what? Eep! *dodges Sobe bottles and Pocky boxes being hurled*)  
  
And so ends the tragic trio. I really do hope you enjoyed the ride, and that the kleen-exes weren't all gone... And thank you people for actually reading this. It really does mean a lot to me...I mean, seriously. There are no people where I'm at even remotely interested in this, (hell, most of 'em are homophobes anyway, and too close-minded for their own good. Bear-cultists, you might compare) and this little group actually proves that there are people care. *sighs* I can live with this. But doesn't it make you all feel good to know that we fanfic writers aren't flukes? That there are other crazy otaku like us? Just makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside...or not. Hell...I dunno. Maybe I'm just babbling out my ass, but I think we all agree. So forever live the fanficcers, and may we forever find new ways to irritate the hell out of society's holed-up, anti-imagination freakshow!   
  
Miriya Valentine  



End file.
